Religious Contemplation

I have been talking about this post for awhile because it has been in my mind for a very long time. I've taken this week to take in my experience in Cordoba last Friday and really get a grasp on how I am feeling and why I am feeling this way. I have talked about it with a lot of people here and written about it already in my own journal, but I may find out more things as I write this post so if I ramble, I apologize ahead of time. However, I think that Judiasm in Spain--past present and future--truly deserves a close examination.

Now let´s be honest. Growing up in Westfield and then going to school at Brandeis, I have dealt with very little strange reactions or comments regarding my religion. Everyone in Westfield went to at least one Bar/Bat Mitzvah and swore they knew the basic prayers. Meanwhile, at Brandeis, as I tell everyone, I feel the least Jewish since there are people who are so much more religious than myself. In that regards, I guess I should classify what kind of Jew I see myself as. I am definitely not as religious as the Conservative sect would like me to be, but in terms of culture and tradition, Judiasm is part of my very core being and the person that I strive to be everyday. I knew coming here would be different, but honestly it didn't even cross my mind that religion would play a role in my experience in Spain.

In a group of 65, there is substantial number of Jews and I am good friends with four. We all are pretty much on the same page regarding the religion, and if anything, some are less religious than myself. However, I spoke with my friend Alina about finding a temple and going to a Friday night service. Sarah then told me some news that her ¨Memories and Identity of Sephardic Jews¨professor told her--there is not one temple in Granada. Not one. Suddenly, I became much more aware that I was not in the Northeast anymore. In a city of 280,000 there were no Jews. And if there were any, they weren't going to synagogue.

I was, and still am, so baffled by this idea and yet how could I be surprised? The Inquisition is all too often forgotten or thrown to side to discuss the Holocaust or the latest war in Israel, but the Inquisition did tremendous damage to the world Jewish population. And, in my opinion, it was done in the worst way possible. There are modern Spaniards, practicing Catholics, who can trace their family back to a Jewish heritage. Fear is the strongest weapon and during the Inquisition, Jews converted to Catholicism to save their lives, never turning back. Of course thousands were killed, but so many simply gave in. There could be a booming Spanish Jewish population today, but instead many are completely unaware of their ability to be a part of a religion that I find to encompass so much more than faith. Instead, the Jewish population is forgotten about, ignored completely. Spaniards don´t even talk about the Jews negatively--they simply don't talk about them.

Moving forward. Last Friday we had the amazing opportunity of going to Cordoba. We saw the 11th century mosque, located in the Jewish neighborhood, and were able to walk around and enjoy. We also went to a small, centuries old, synagogue. As we walked in, Alina turns to me and says, "Doesn't it feel like you are coming home?" and suddenly, without any warning, I started to cry. Trying desperately to hide this strange emotion, I started frantically searching for an answer as to why I reacted this way. All I knew was that yes, this was home and yes, I had missed it incredibly. It wouldn't be until later that I would get my answer.

I stayed with about half the group and went to "La casa sefardi: la casa de memoria," a museum-esque place that tells the story of the Spanish Jews so often forgotten. There we met Jaime, a Jewish man who takes pride in his religion and his country, but not so much regarding how one treats the other. We ended up upstairs in a small room that is the first synagogue in Cordoba in centuries. He read some Hebrew, waved some challah tauntingly in our faces, and then welcomed us to return for any Shabbat.

Here is where it gets interesting. Emily, Sarah, Alina and I (all Jewish) walked out of there and immediately started planning. Pre/post Passover sedar, coming back to Cordoba, making kugel. Our friend Sara was also there and she had no idea what was going on. A devout Catholic, Sara is a Religion major at GWU and is/was dying to learn more about Judaism. Questions began to fly, plans were being made, and suddenly I got it.

What that strange feeling was, why I started to cry, why I craved a Friday night service even though I haven't been to one in years. Suddenly I understood that this is my lack of comfort zone. I never had any culture shock really, at least none that was apparent to me. My shock is the lack of culture, my culture. I've always been surrounded by Judaism, always had the option to go and simply chose not to. Now I can't go and I see nuns everyday on the street. This is my "wow" factor. There is little I can do to change the circumstances I am in, but I can--and have--begun to recognize my need for the Jew. I had no intention of this trip having any influence on my religious practices, and realistically it probably won't, but its nice to be reminded by my own self how important my religion is to me. And by religion, I mean culture because Judaism is nothing short of that. It is culture, a way of thinking, a lifestyle choice. I consider myself fortunate enough to be apart of all of it and have become very aware to of that while in Granada.

This experience has, and will continue, to open my eyes to the world around me and change various parts of myself. Right now, I'm really happy where I am--mentally, emotionally, physically (well, maybe I should cut out the pastry a day)--and I'm excited to explore more. My relationship with Judaism in Spain is something that I plan on continuing to explore for myself and to share with you.

And with that, on this partly sunny Friday, I hope you all have as fabulous as a weekend as I plan on having. Tonight I am seeing a concert and tomorrow I am going skiing in the Sierra Nevada, really could life be better?

Hasta luego!